Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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