I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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