You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize