my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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