I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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