he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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