you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
