update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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