i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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