"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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