Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
