she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I can't put those talents on a resume
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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