so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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