Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
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