WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
