Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
