So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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