Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
