Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What a dumb baby whore.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
