finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
