careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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