i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
