Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
