I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
