I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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