I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
