I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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