He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize