i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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