so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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