I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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