we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
