"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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