Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
