Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
