I'm gonna have a badass scar
She's JV to your varsity
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
