i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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