Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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