come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
