I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I love you.
Bad choice
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
