Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
