It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
