Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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