You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
