remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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