Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
