you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
