So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
this hospital has no fireball
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
