if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
