I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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