No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
