I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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