I'm going to rape someone's good day.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
