Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
