She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
