I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
