Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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