It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize