Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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