"it" just moved
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
