please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
