Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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