Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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