So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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