what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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