I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
