i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
