What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
