I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
