Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
