you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
