I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
