we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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