Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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