his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
