dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
