I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
