you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
