I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize